From time to time I am given to reviewing what it is that motivates me to publish this blog.
I remember when I first pushed the button to make Breast Stories live. My heart was in my mouth. I anticipated that perhaps I would be inundated with vitriol for writing about such a topic.
My fears were, by and large, unfounded. What reaction I recieved, it was warm and encouraging. Some of my breasted friends told me they thought I was brave. Others who told me this also told me they found it unsettling but at the same time encouraged me to continue.
I took heart from this.
The honeymoon could not last forever. Breast Stories has been the subject of my first fiery attack. My motives, morality and depth of relationship have been questioned.
I took it quite hard.
I wondered if my attacker was not right. Is this enterprise a simple pandering to my fantasies with little regard to those it offends?
When I originally wrote this piece I reverted to the second person. Perhaps this was a reaction in which I sought to protect myself — to put some padding between me and you. I hope my writing will remain risky and direct, but please excuse me if I take a little time to return to my usual level of candor.
I questioned again why I publish this blog.
Breast Stories does not want to simply dismiss the opinions of others — regardless of how they are expressed. I know the world is made up of people with widely differing perspectives and as far as possible, I try to respect those differences.
So I came to the conclusion that in every attack there is some truth. I take that on board. However after reflecting deeply on my motives, I remain as committed as ever to my stated aim of "promoting breast freedom for men and women."
My reflections have led me to understand more clearly than ever that my aim is deeper than this. The most precious thing in the world is relationship.
You may have gathered from some of my posts that there is a very special person in my life. We have been together for more than thirty years and hope to grow old together. This is my deepest and most intimate relationship.
Yet all of us need a web of friendships. Too often men, in particular, are unable to experience intimate relationships with either their life partner, other men or other women. In a perverse way, we fulfill our desire for intimacy by becoming obsessed with breasts (or othe parts of womens' anatomies). When we do this, we miss out. We miss out on intimacy in all our relationships. And the women in our lives miss out. They want more from us, but all they get is us staring at their breasts. No wonder there are women in the world who seriously believe it would be a better place without men.
Our challenge is to understand and accept that we find women beautiful. Accept this and go beyond it. We know they offer us something we can't get from relationships with other men. This doesn't mean we have a sexual relationship with every women we meet. It does mean that we can experience emotional intimacy with many women we meet and work with. And in experiencing that intimacy, we can learn to experience intimacy with our male friends and colleagues.
Having our need for intimacy satisfied, we can let go our obsession with physical features and start offering more of ourselves to the world. In doing so, we experience so much of what we are missing out on.
Finally, the women in our lives get to experience more of us. They get to experience what they want from us and enjoy us more.
I know I am an idealist. Yet I believe that idealism is the beginning of change.
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