September 2006 Archives

I wonder if you know how beautiful you are. If you know, or we tell you, I wonder if you believe it.

Many times when I have told you that your are beautiful or that you are very attractive you thank me but then tell me I'm wrong. I wonder if this is just modesty or whether you really don't believe me.

As I see you coming from nowhere walking across the small street where I am driving, I stop to let you cross. I notice your breasts stretching your tight striped top. You must be confident in your body to wear such a tight t-shirt. You must like how you look. I hope you do. But you probably don't know how for one second, the sight of your breasts completely overwhelmed me. I can't tell you why my response is so strong, so powerful and so deep, but it is. It is not that I want you. I don't know you. But the sight of your breasts strikes something very deep within me.

There you are again. It's dusk now. You are walking along the other side of the main street where I am driving. It's been a glorious spring day and you are wearing a summer frock with spaghetti straps — or perhaps it was a top and you were wearing jeans. I can't remember. I do remember your bouncing breasts. Were you wearing a bra? Is it any of my business? But again, for one moment, the sight of your breasts completely overwhelmed me. Just after I pass you going in the opposite direction, I glance in the rear vision mirror, but you are gone.

I seem to be getting a lot of our ideas from Calendar Girl lately. I guess, that's just the way it goes.

In her quest to promote breast health (which includes emotional health of breasts), Calendar Girl has developed the concept of Breast Ambassador. I was honoured to be appointed to this post some time ago.

Here are some thoughts from Denise on her recent appointment as a Breast Ambasador:

Big deal number one - Women have to stop hating their breasts or being ashamed of their breasts or embarrassed by their breasts. We need to stop apologizing for having large ones or small ones or nursing ones or non-nursing ones or scarred ones or sagging ones.

Big deal number two - We also need to make sure we aren't giving men, other women and the media the power to use our breasts against us or against other women.

Big deal number three - We need to stop letting the media (and charities) scare us about breast cancer. Yes, women get breast cancer. Yes, some of them do die from breast cancer. Most do not die. Yet we, as a gender, are more frightened of a cancer that probably isn't going to kill us than we are of a cancer or illness that probably will. We're terrified of chemo or masectomy, lumpectomy and even the mamogram. Some of us are even afraid to do a self exam because we might find a lump and then what... I don't think most of us are really afraid of dying from breast cancer. I think most of us are afraid that may lose our breasts or have disfigured breasts.

From a male point of view, I would add:

Big Deal Number Four: Women have breasts. Let's accept it. Enjoy them. Enjoy the womanness they embody. But let's also respect them and, more particularly their owners.

Read the full post here

From the 2007 Breast of Canada press release:

In the winter of 2001, social entrepreneur and artist Sue Richards googled the search term “breast health” after having a discussion on breast health issues with a girlfriend. Realizing her lack of knowledge, Richards wanted to learn more.

“Imagine my surprise and shock when nothing came up. Instead the prompt asked, ”Do you mean breast cancer?” says Richards.

Read the full release here.

The 2007 Breast of Canada calendar is now available on-line at www.breastofcanada.com.

From time to time I am given to reviewing what it is that motivates me to publish this blog.

I remember when I first pushed the button to make Breast Stories live. My heart was in my mouth. I anticipated that perhaps I would be inundated with vitriol for writing about such a topic.

My fears were, by and large, unfounded. What reaction I recieved, it was warm and encouraging. Some of my breasted friends told me they thought I was brave. Others who told me this also told me they found it unsettling but at the same time encouraged me to continue.

I took heart from this.

The honeymoon could not last forever. Breast Stories has been the subject of my first fiery attack. My motives, morality and depth of relationship have been questioned.

I took it quite hard.

I wondered if my attacker was not right. Is this enterprise a simple pandering to my fantasies with little regard to those it offends?

When I originally wrote this piece I reverted to the second person. Perhaps this was a reaction in which I sought to protect myself — to put some padding between me and you. I hope my writing will remain risky and direct, but please excuse me if I take a little time to return to my usual level of candor.

I questioned again why I publish this blog.

Breast Stories does not want to simply dismiss the opinions of others — regardless of how they are expressed. I know the world is made up of people with widely differing perspectives and as far as possible, I try to respect those differences.

So I came to the conclusion that in every attack there is some truth. I take that on board. However after reflecting deeply on my motives, I remain as committed as ever to my stated aim of "promoting breast freedom for men and women."

My reflections have led me to understand more clearly than ever that my aim is deeper than this. The most precious thing in the world is relationship.

You may have gathered from some of my posts that there is a very special person in my life. We have been together for more than thirty years and hope to grow old together. This is my deepest and most intimate relationship.

Yet all of us need a web of friendships. Too often men, in particular, are unable to experience intimate relationships with either their life partner, other men or other women. In a perverse way, we fulfill our desire for intimacy by becoming obsessed with breasts (or othe parts of womens' anatomies). When we do this, we miss out. We miss out on intimacy in all our relationships. And the women in our lives miss out. They want more from us, but all they get is us staring at their breasts. No wonder there are women in the world who seriously believe it would be a better place without men.

Our challenge is to understand and accept that we find women beautiful. Accept this and go beyond it. We know they offer us something we can't get from relationships with other men. This doesn't mean we have a sexual relationship with every women we meet. It does mean that we can experience emotional intimacy with many women we meet and work with. And in experiencing that intimacy, we can learn to experience intimacy with our male friends and colleagues.

Having our need for intimacy satisfied, we can let go our obsession with physical features and start offering more of ourselves to the world. In doing so, we experience so much of what we are missing out on.

Finally, the women in our lives get to experience more of us. They get to experience what they want from us and enjoy us more.

I know I am an idealist. Yet I believe that idealism is the beginning of change.

From this thread at Yahoo Answers:

Why do girls wear such low cut shirts..?
showing there (sic) breasts then get mad if guys look at there (sic) ****?! what the hell do you expect us to do ,look away?? girls do you like us to look at your **** or not? if not,why do you wear the shirts you do??

OK, the writer could do with a grammar lesson, but this is the internet remember. (We could start a whole blog on that...)

But, in its various guises, this is a pretty common question amongst the men Breast Stories knows. Goodness knows Breast Stories has been known to ask ourselves that question often enough.

We're not sure that it is only men who ask this question. Our current thinking about this topic was prompted by our breasted partner -- the woman in Breast Stories' life. Now this lovely woman is not prone to wearing revealing tops herself. Breast Stories and our partner were talking about this topic the other day and she told us about noticing several women wearing low cut tops and lacy bras when she was out shopping that day. She wondered what motivates them. Not that it bothers her that they do, just that she doesn't fully understand why they do.

Back to Yahoo Answers.

Breast Stories was fascinated with the responses to this question. We men are really dumb sometimes. We think there is a great conspiracy organised by women to confuse us. We think that all women think the same and act the same. Just a couple of the Yahoo Answers responses show how wrong we can be:

The "goodies" is our power over you men. Sorry but it is true, we use our breasts to get what we want whether it be a smile or free pass from a cop on not getting a speeding ticket. Personally men think we are generally not very bright if we have large breast and that is soooooo not true. I am an educated woman with big breasts and i know when and how to use them. But i also just like men to look, it doesnt bother me at all. Matter of fact i just went to a rally this weekend and had a blast and got lots of beads, and i didnt even show it all! So find you woman that enjoys a little voyeurism! Enjoy and keep on looking, just remember that just because they are big breasted they also have feelings and a brain (sometimes) Ciao!

And

I dont wear low cut shirts.
not because i think guys will look at em but because i dont like wearing shirts like that myself. if i really wanna show my boobs i might as well not wear anything. but those girls think that that is the only way they will get guys hence the term (sl*t) comes to mind

So, as one microsecond's reflection would have told us -- there are lots of different viewpoints. Our best guess is that it goes something likes this.

Some women like showing off their breasts most of the time. They might be inviting our attention, or they might just like their breasts, like how they look and are confident in their own bodies.

Other women don't think about it a lot. Sometimes they wear something low cut because they think it looks nice -- not because they want to show off.

Other women hardly ever wear low cut tops.

And lots of women change how they feel from day to day.

Just as we men do about lots of things.

And women, like men, like to be liked. We like it when women find us attractive. Women like it when we find them attractive. That doesn't mean they want us to stare at them, but they do want us to notice.

Strange thing that, women are people to.

It's been an interesting week for women in the news. First there was the "entertainment" at the climate change conference dinner.

Outraged scientists stormed out of a government-sponsored climate change conference dinner in Canberra last night, after female entertainers stripped down to their underwear as part of a burlesque show.

And one of the performers, who was covered in balloons, walked around the venue inviting scientists to burst parts of her costume.

I'm not to sure what I think about burlesque in general. The freedom of expression part of me says that people should be able to do what they want. Burlesque dancers practice hard to develop the skills they use, take pride in their work on no-one forces them to do it. On the other hand, burlesque is about objectifying women in mens' eyes and that's something I am passionate about changing. Hmmmm?

There's no doubt that arranging burlesque entertainment for the closing dinner of a scientific conference is inappropriate. I can just imagine the (what surely must have been) male organisers salivating at the thought of the event. It is another example of how so many men just don't get it when it comes to women. Sure you can (as I did above) argue the merits of burlesque. But the final decision as to which way you come down on it has to be an individual one. I would hazard a guess that there would be some women who would have no problem with it and perhaps even enjoy the spectacle of it. That's not the point.

This entertainment was forced on all delegates by male organisers primarily for the enjoyment (titillation/sexual desires, call it what you will) of the male delegates, with absolutetly no thought to the female delegates. The clear message is that men, and what men want is what matters. Women, regardless of the years of hard work, dedicated, scholarly and rigorous research, don't matter. I  think this is what would stick in the gut. "It doesn't matter how much we try to prove our credentials as equals. It doesn't matter how much the men say they respect us and our work. When it comes down to it, we are still invisible when it comes to what we might want."

I will continue the theme of women in the news with my next post on the reaction to Germaine Greer's comments on Steve Irwin's death